工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence stating your current status, then give one or two specific supporting details (role, company, duration). Reduce filler words and hesitations.

示例: I completed a diploma in General Business last year, and I have been working as a manager at a wedding planning company for two years. In my role I oversee client coordination and event logistics, which builds on the business skills I studied.

建议: Avoid unnecessary repetition and clarify unclear references (e.g., 'UH'). Give a concise location and one brief detail about the workplace to enrich the answer.

示例: I work as a manager at a wedding planning company in Brampton. The office is near the town centre, so it's convenient for meeting clients and visiting venues.

建议: Use a clear topic sentence and provide specific reasons with linking words. Reduce hesitations and correct grammar (e.g., 'learn' → 'learned' or 'I have learned').

示例: Yes, it's a good place to work because I enjoy collaborating with my colleagues and I have learned a lot about teamwork and coordination, which helps me manage events more effectively.

建议: Be more precise and avoid repetition and trailing off. Start with a direct answer, then give two specific reasons with linking words. Use correct adjectives (supportive, motivating) and finish the thought.

示例: Yes, I like my workplace because my colleagues are friendly and supportive. Moreover, my boss is very motivating and encourages professional growth, which makes the job rewarding.

建议: Give a clear, structured plan and avoid repetition and unclear phrases (e.g., 'fears feel'). Use linking words to explain reasons and a short prediction or timeline to add specificity.

示例: I plan to open my own wedding planning business in the next two years because I have extensive experience and industry contacts. I believe starting my own company will allow me to apply my skills in event design and client management more creatively.

× Basically I completed my my diploma in general business last year.

✓ Basically I completed my diploma in General Business last year.

The sentence uses past tense correctly but has duplication and capitalization issues. Remove the repeated 'my' and capitalize the formal program name 'General Business'. Also keep past tense 'completed' since the action finished last year.

× Now I have been working in a wedding planning company as a manager for for two years.

✓ Now I have been working at a wedding planning company as a manager for two years.

Use 'at' (preposition for workplace) and remove the duplicated 'for'. The present perfect continuous 'have been working' is appropriate for an action that started in the past and continues now. Keep 'for two years' to indicate duration.

× As I mentioned earlier, I have been working in a wedding planning company as a manager for two years.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, I have been working at a wedding planning company as a manager for two years.

Use the preposition 'at' when referring to working for a company or 'in' for an industry. 'At a company' is more natural here. The tense and duration are correct.

× It is located in UH.

✓ It is located in Brampton.

The sentence 'It is located in UH' is unclear because 'UH' is ambiguous. The transcript later clarifies Brampton, so replace unclear abbreviation with the clear location. No tense change needed.

× Yes, according to my perspective, it is a good place to work because I always enjoyed, uh, I always enjoy working with my colleagues, learns the importance of teamwork and, uh, coordination.

✓ Yes, in my opinion, it is a good place to work because I always enjoy working with my colleagues and have learned the importance of teamwork and coordination.

Mixing past 'enjoyed' and present 'enjoy' is inconsistent. Use present 'always enjoy' for ongoing feelings. Change 'learns the importance' to 'have learned the importance' (present perfect) to show experience gained over time. Replace 'according to my perspective' with the more natural 'in my opinion'.

× Yes, I would like to like the place where I work because I I always enjoy working with my colleagues and enjoy work under my boss because he's very because he's very motivating and supporting person.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because I always enjoy working with my colleagues and enjoy working under my boss because he is a very motivating and supportive person.

'Would like to like' is redundant and incorrect; use 'I like'. Remove duplicate 'I'. Use 'working under my boss' and 'working' consistent verb form. Use 'supportive' (adjective) instead of 'supporting person'. Avoid repeating 'because he's very'.

× He always motivates us to.

✓ He always motivates us.

The original ends with a trailing 'to' creating a fragment. Remove 'to' to complete the clause. 'He always motivates us' is a complete, correct sentence.

× To be honest, I decided to open my own business in same field as I am.

✓ To be honest, I have decided to open my own business in the same field as I am in.

Use present perfect 'have decided' to indicate a recent decision relevant now. Include the article 'the' before 'same field' and finish the comparison with 'as I am in' or rephrase 'in the same field I work in'. This corrects sentence structure and article use.

× As I'm working in wedding planning company, I have a lot of knowledge about this, A lot of knowledge about this fears feel.

✓ Because I work in a wedding planning company, I have a lot of knowledge about this field.

Replace 'As I'm working' with 'Because I work' for clarity; 'a wedding planning company' needs the article 'a'. Remove the repeated and unclear fragment 'A lot of knowledge about this fears feel.' and replace with 'this field' to clearly name the subject of knowledge.

× So I prefer to open this.

✓ So I plan to open one.

'Prefer to open this' is vague and ungrammatical. Use 'plan to open one' or 'intend to start my own wedding planning business' to clearly express future intention. Maintain future meaning with 'plan to' or 'intend to'.