分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and natural. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases like "with each other" and unclear endings such as "and see."

示例: Yes. My parents taught me to share from a young age. For example, I often shared snacks with classmates and toys with my siblings, which helped me make friends and learn generosity.

建议: Use a clear topic sentence and list items cleanly; correct unclear words (e.g., "tries" unclear). Use linking words to connect ideas and give a reason or brief example.

示例: I like to share food, books and games. For instance, I often lend novels to friends and share snacks during lunch, because it helps us bond.

建议: Be direct and avoid filler sounds. Use a concise topic sentence and give a specific example of a personal item that shouldn't be shared. Add a brief reason linked with a linking word.

示例: I think personal items that are close to your heart shouldn’t be shared. For example, I wouldn't share my diary or heirloom jewelry because they have sentimental value.

建议: Avoid contradictory phrases and filler words. Start with a clear reply, then add a single specific example using linking words. Fix grammar ("I'm having one of my book" → "I have a book").

示例: Not really. However, I do have a book about Chinese cinema that I can lend to friends if they want to read it.

建议: Give a clear, direct answer naming one person (e.g., a parent) and then explain briefly why using linking words. Remove confusing phrases like "at the very first long" and avoid repetition.

示例: I would tell my parents first because they support me most. After telling them, I usually call close friends to share the news as well.

建议: Organize your answer into a topic sentence followed by specific categories and brief examples. Use linking words and correct grammar (e.g., "promotion news" → "news about promotions").

示例: I share personal and professional news with friends. For example, I tell them about job promotions, purchases from brands I like, and books or paintings I enjoy.

× Yes, my parents did teach me to share food and things with each other, with my school friends and with my other family members so that they can feel happy as well and see.

✓ Yes, my parents taught me to share food and things with others, with my school friends and with other family members so that they could also feel happy.

Pronoun 'each other' is improper when referring to one person's parents teaching that person; 'others' or 'other people' is correct. 'My other family members' is redundant — use 'other family members'. Also change 'can' to 'could' to keep past perspective consistent with 'taught'. Replace 'and see' (incomplete) with nothing. Suggestion: keep pronouns consistent and maintain past tense throughout the sentence.

× I'd like to share my food, some of my ideas, my books and my tries and my games with each other.

✓ I'd like to share my food, some of my ideas, my books, my toys and my games with others.

'Each other' is incorrect when the subject is singular 'I'; use 'others'. 'Tries' is not the intended noun; 'toys' fits context. Ensure list uses correct nouns and pronouns that agree with the speaker's perspective.

× MMM the things, according to my point of view, the things that are really near to your heart are not suitable for sharing with other people.

✓ Well, in my opinion, things that are really close to your heart are not suitable for sharing with other people.

'According to my point of view' is wordy and unidiomatic; use 'in my opinion'. 'Near to your heart' is better as 'close to your heart' (preposition choice). Also remove repeated 'the things'. Suggestion: simplify phrases and use standard prepositions ('close to').

× No, not at all. I don't have anything to share with others recently, but Yep, I'm having one of my book that's based on Chinese, uh, film, so I can definitely share with my friends if they want to read it.

✓ No, not at all. I haven't had anything to share recently, but I do have a book about Chinese films that I can definitely share with my friends if they want to read it.

Using present simple 'I don't have' with 'recently' is awkward; present perfect 'I haven't had' matches 'recently'. 'I'm having one of my book' is ungrammatical; use 'I do have a book' or 'I have a book'. 'That's based on Chinese, film' is incorrect — use 'about Chinese films'. Suggestion: use present perfect for recent experiences and correct noun phrases.

× With my family members, I always love to share good news at the very first long after that, I'd like to share with other family members, with my friends.

✓ I always love to share good news with my immediate family first; after that, I share it with other family members and my friends.

Original has mixed and unclear structure ('at the very first long after that'). Reorder and condense for clarity: indicate priority ('first') then sequence ('after that'). Use 'immediate family' or 'my family' for clarity and remove redundant phrases.

× My work, promotion news are all the things that I'm buying something new from specific brand or other things that are related to my personal opinion such as the books or paintings.

✓ I share news about my work and promotions, things like buying something new from a particular brand, or other personal matters such as books or paintings.

Original mixes nouns and phrases without proper connectors and misuses adjectives ('specific brand' should be 'a particular brand'). 'Promotion news' should be 'promotions' or 'promotion news about me'. Rephrase to list categories clearly using parallel structure. Suggestion: use parallel nouns and clear connectors ('things like', 'or').