梦想— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations (uh, um), correct minor grammar (e.g., "a high-rise building"), and avoid repetition. Limit to about 2–4 sentences and use linking words to organise ideas (e.g., "for example", "because").

示例: Yes, I remember one clear dream from last week. In it I was falling from a high-rise building, which woke me up suddenly and left me feeling shaken. For example, I woke up gasping and it took me a few minutes to calm down.

建议: Improve clarity and grammar: provide a direct topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and finish your thought. Explain briefly why you keep dreams private and whether you listen to others. Use linking words such as "because" or "so" to connect ideas.

示例: No, I usually don't share my dreams because I prefer to keep personal things private. I also rarely ask about other people's dreams because I'm a fairly private person and I don't feel comfortable discussing such details.

建议: Be more fluent and precise: use correct grammar ("some dreams make you feel good", "come true"), avoid hesitations, and give a concise cultural example. Use linking phrases like "for example" and keep to 2–3 sentences.

示例: Yes, I believe some dreams have special meanings. For example, in my culture people say that dreams upon waking early in the morning, around 4–6 a.m., are more likely to come true, so many people pay attention to those dreams.

建议: Structure your answer: start with a clear topic sentence, contrast pleasant and unpleasant dreams briefly using linking words, then state your main personal dream with specific details. Correct grammar ("independent woman", "gain confidence"), and keep to 3–4 sentences.

示例: Yes, I want some of my dreams to come true, especially the positive ones, while I try to forget unpleasant dreams. My main goal is to become a successful, independent woman: I want financial stability, stronger self-confidence, and a more mature personality, so I can support myself and achieve my career goals.

× the dream was that I am uh I am falling from an A building and high rise building.

✓ the dream was that I was falling from a high-rise building.

The sentence mixes past narration ('the dream was') with present tense ('I am falling'). When describing a past dream, use past tense: 'was falling'. Also 'A building and high rise building' is redundant and unidiomatic; 'a high-rise building' is correct. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use standard noun phrase.

× So there was a dream I remember and that basically haunts me a lot and I just woke up in between the dream going on.

✓ So I remember that dream; it still haunts me a lot and I woke up in the middle of it.

The original sentence has awkward structure and incorrect phrase 'in between the dream going on.' Use clearer connectors and correct idiom: 'in the middle of it' or 'in the middle of the dream.' Also change 'just woke up' to past 'woke up' to match narrative.

× I don't share my dreams with others because I found sharing own dreams which I had maybe maybe good good dreams or maybe bad dreams.

✓ I don't share my dreams with others because I find sharing my own dreams, whether good or bad, uncomfortable.

Problems: incorrect verb form 'found' should be present 'find' to express habitual preference; missing possessive pronoun 'my own dreams'; repetition 'maybe maybe good good' is unnecessary. Rephrase for clarity and correct pronoun use.

× I I keep them secret.

✓ I keep them secret.

Double 'I' is a spoken filler; in writing retain a single 'I'. No tense change needed. Remove repetition for grammatical correctness.

× I don't want like to tell to others and even I am not interesting umm listening others dream because I am like self self-conscious persons.

✓ I don't want to tell others, and I'm not interested in listening to others' dreams because I'm self-conscious.

Issues corrected: remove unnecessary 'like', use correct verb 'tell others' (no 'to'), use adjective 'interested in' not 'interesting', add preposition 'in' and possessive 'others' -> 'others' dreams' becomes 'others' dreams' (with apostrophe) though here shown as 'others\' dreams' in speech; make 'person' singular and adjective 'self-conscious'. Simplify repetition.

× Some dreams umm makes you feel good and sometimes your dreams come true as there is one saying in my culture that the dream you had in the morning time between like 5:00 to 6:00 or 4:00 to 5:00, that dream comes true in your life.

✓ Some dreams make you feel good and sometimes dreams come true. There is a saying in my culture that a dream you have in the morning between 4:00 and 6:00 will come true.

Subject-verb agreement: 'Some dreams' (plural) requires 'make' not 'makes'. Also simplify and correct tense consistency: general truth uses present tense 'have' and 'will come true' or 'come true' depending; here 'will come true' fits prediction. Use correct preposition 'between 4:00 and 6:00' and avoid redundant phrasing.

× Yes, some dreams are really wonderful and I want them to come true like while others are unpleasant and I would rather try to forget about them.

✓ Yes, some dreams are really wonderful and I want them to come true, while others are unpleasant and I'd rather try to forget them.

Minor corrections: add comma before 'while' to connect clauses; change 'would rather try to forget about them' to 'I'd rather try to forget them' for conciseness and natural usage. 'Forget about' is not incorrect but 'forget them' is more natural here.

× But my main dream is to become successfully independent woman.

✓ But my main dream is to become a successfully independent woman.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'successfully independent woman' and adverb placement: 'successfully independent' is awkward; better: 'a successful, independent woman' or 'a successfully independent woman'. Use 'a' for singular countable noun.

× I want to be financially stable and I want to gain my personal confidence and my personality as well so.

✓ I want to be financially stable and to gain self-confidence and improve my personality as well.

'Gain my personal confidence' is unidiomatic; use 'gain self-confidence'. 'Personality' can't be 'gained'—use 'improve my personality'. Remove unnecessary 'so'. Use infinitive parallelism 'to be... and to gain...'.