工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), correct verb forms, and limit to 2–3 sentences. Add one specific detail about duties using a linking word to make it coherent.

範例: I work as a professional makeup artist at Sephora. I provide makeup services to clients and, when I have no appointments, I advise customers about cosmetics and skin-care products.

建議: Direct answer is good and concise. Improve accuracy and natural phrasing: avoid repeating and add one brief specific detail using a linking word to enrich the answer.

範例: I work at Sephora, a cosmetics retailer affiliated with LVMH. I’m based in the central store, where I focus on client makeovers and product demonstrations.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence stating your opinion, reduce hesitation, correct word choice and grammar, and use linking words to give a reason and an example. Be specific about what makes it rough.

範例: Yes, overall it’s a good place to work, but it can be stressful during busy periods. For example, at Christmas the store is extremely crowded, which makes it hard to give each client my full attention.

建議: Give a clear, well-structured response: one topic sentence with two specific supporting reasons. Avoid broken sentences and pronunciation-based spelling errors, and use linking words (for example, moreover).

範例: Yes, I like working there because the store is cozy and usually calm. Moreover, parking is free, which is very convenient for me.

建議: Make a clear, grammatically correct statement about your career goal, avoid hesitation, and give one concrete plan or step you will take using a linking word to show intention. Use correct job title and a specific aim.

範例: I plan to become a professional nutritionist and open my own clinic. For example, I will study for a nutrition diploma next year so I can offer personalised dietary plans to help clients improve their health.

× Actually, I am working, I work as a professional makeup artist at Sephora and at Sephora my main role is to uh, provide makeup services for the client.

✓ Actually, I work as a professional makeup artist at Sephora, and my main role there is to provide makeup services for clients.

The sentence uses 'I am working' and 'I work' inconsistently; simple present 'I work' is correct for a regular job. Also 'the client' should be plural 'clients' for general services. Combine clauses for clarity and remove filler words. Use simple present to describe habitual employment.

× And whenever I don't have any appointment, I must to answer all day clients needs about, uh, cosmetic and skin care.

✓ And whenever I don't have an appointment, I must attend to clients' needs all day regarding cosmetics and skin care.

'Must to' is incorrect; modal 'must' should be followed by the base verb 'attend'. 'Answer clients needs' is not natural; use 'attend to clients' needs'. Use plural possessive 'clients'' and correct nouns 'cosmetics' and 'skin care'.

× As I said, I work at Sephora, which is a retail branch of Louis Vuitton, as a makeup artist.

✓ As I said, I work at Sephora, which is a retail branch of Louis Vuitton, as a makeup artist.

This sentence is grammatically correct. No change needed. It correctly uses singular/plural forms.

× If I want to be honest, it is a very feminine place to work, but it's a little bit rough because in the, uh, in the, uh, crowded moment, like for the Christmas and event, there is a lot of people and it's sometimes frustrating.

✓ To be honest, it is a very feminine place to work, but it can be a little rough during crowded times, such as Christmas and other events, because there are a lot of people and it can be sometimes frustrating.

Articles and expressions were incorrect: 'the crowded moment' should be 'crowded times'; 'for the Christmas and event' should be 'such as Christmas and other events'. Use 'there are a lot of people' (plural agreement). Replace 'If I want to be honest' with 'To be honest' for naturalness and remove extra fillers.

× If I want to be honest with you, yes, I really like the place that I work because it is very cozy and calm. It doesn't. There is no a lot of person and already what is so impotent for me, Access to the parking, It's free.

✓ To be honest, yes, I really like the place where I work because it is very cozy and calm. There are not many people, and what's very important for me is free access to parking.

Problems: 'the place that I work' is better as 'the place where I work'. 'It doesn't. There is no a lot of person' is ungrammatical; use 'There are not many people' for plural agreement. 'Impotent' is wrong word; should be 'important'. 'Access to the parking, It's free' should be combined and rephrased as 'free access to parking'. Fix pronoun/reference clarity and word choice.

× My future work plan is to be a professional and nutritionist and UH. I really like to have my private clinic and to be the owner and help client to achieve their UH. Healthway.

✓ My future work plan is to become a professional nutritionist. I would like to have my private clinic, be the owner, and help clients achieve better health.

Use 'become' for future career change. 'Professional and nutritionist' is incorrect—use 'professional nutritionist'. 'I really like to have' should be 'I would like to have' for future intention. 'Help client' needs plural 'clients' and correct infinitive 'help clients achieve'. 'Healthway' is not standard; use 'better health' or 'their health'. Remove fillers 'UH'.