鞋子— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Improve grammatical accuracy and fluency by using correct tenses and clearer linking. Begin with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., “because,” “so”). Avoid unnecessary repetition and keep to under five sentences.

範例: Yes, I enjoy buying shoes. I usually buy new shoes about once a month because I’m a professional basketball player and need several pairs for training and games. When I was a child I bought shoes more often, almost every week, because I loved collecting different styles.

建議: Avoid repetition and improve cohesion by using linking phrases and precise vocabulary. State the main point, then give two clear reasons with linking words (e.g., “because,” “and”). Keep sentences concise and correct word order.

範例: Yes, I have bought shoes online many times, at least ten. I prefer online stores because they usually have lower prices and offer a wider selection, so it’s easier to compare different styles and sizes.

建議: Focus on accuracy and clarity: avoid hesitations, incorrect word choices, and vague phrases. State a clear typical amount, then explain reasons briefly with correct vocabulary (e.g., “pair” not “bonds”). Use 2–3 sentences maximum.

範例: It depends, but I usually spend about 1,000 Turkish lira on a pair of shoes because I want good quality for sports. As a student I sometimes rely on my father for money, so I don’t always buy expensive pairs.

建議: Clarify and balance your answer: acknowledge both aspects briefly and give a clear preference with concise reasons. Correct grammar (e.g., “affects,” “people”) and avoid exaggerated statements. Use linking words (e.g., “but,” “however”) to make the response coherent and within the sentence limit.

範例: I prefer comfortable shoes overall, but as a basketball player appearance matters too. However, comfort is more important because proper support prevents injuries, so I choose shoes that look good and feel comfortable on the court.

× I generally buy shoes every month, but when I was a child I bought around every week.

✓ I generally buy shoes every month, but when I was a child I used to buy them about every week.

The original mixes correct past reference with an awkward phrase 'bought around every week.' Use 'used to' for habitual past actions and replace 'around' with 'about' and 'them' to refer to shoes for clarity.

× I'll actually because I am professional basketball player, so I need to have a lot of basketball shoes.

✓ Actually, I am a professional basketball player, so I need to have a lot of basketball shoes.

'I'll actually because' is ungrammatical. Remove 'I'll' and place 'actually' at the start. Add the indefinite article 'a' before 'professional basketball player' for correct noun phrase structure.

× Yes, I have bought shoes from e-commerce websites at least 10 times.

✓ Yes, I have bought shoes from e-commerce websites at least ten times.

The sentence is grammatically acceptable, but write numbers under ten as words in formal speech or consistently format numerals; no structural change needed. Kept present perfect to indicate past actions with relevance to present.

× Generally I prefer I prefer buying from online commercial websites because prices are cheaper than physical stores and you can see a lot of different alternatives and you can choose.

✓ Generally, I prefer buying from online e-commerce websites because prices are cheaper than in physical stores, and you can see many different options to choose from.

The phrase repeated 'I prefer I prefer' is redundant; remove duplication. 'Online commercial websites' is awkward—use 'online e-commerce websites' or simply 'online stores.' Use 'cheaper than in physical stores' and 'many different options to choose from' for natural collocation.

× It depends on my mood, but generally I prefer buying a shoes which is around 1000 Turkish lira.

✓ It depends on my mood, but generally I prefer buying shoes that cost around 1000 Turkish lira.

Use plural 'shoes' without 'a.' Use 'that cost' to describe price and avoid 'which is around' when referring to plural noun. This corrects article misuse and improves verb agreement.

× If I have more money I would like to buy more expensive bonds.

✓ If I had more money, I would like to buy more expensive ones.

'Bonds' is the wrong noun for shoes; likely meant 'ones' (more expensive ones/shoes). Also conditional sequence prefers 'If I had' with 'would' for hypothetical present. Use comma after conditional clause.

× But now since I'm student I cannot uh buy shoes my own self.

✓ But now, since I'm a student, I cannot buy shoes on my own.

Add the article 'a' before 'student.' Remove filler 'uh.' Use 'on my own' rather than 'my own self' for natural phrasing and correct word order.

× I need to take the money from my father.

✓ I need to ask my father for the money.

'Take the money from my father' implies taking without permission. Use 'ask my father for the money' to express requesting funds. This corrects preposition and verb choice for the intended meaning.

× I need to choose fashionable shoes because I am professional basketball player and when someone sees my shoes are not very beautiful it directly effects my mood and I don't want to play basketball anymore so I need to buy a few which look like beautiful from the outside.

✓ I prefer fashionable shoes because I am a professional basketball player, and if someone sees that my shoes are not attractive it directly affects my mood and I may not want to play basketball, so I need to buy some that look good on the outside.

Multiple issues: add article 'a' before 'professional basketball player.' Use 'prefer' rather than 'need to choose' for preference question. Use conditional 'if' and 'that' for clause clarity. 'Effects' is incorrect—use verb 'affects.' 'a few which look like beautiful' is ungrammatical; use 'some that look good.' Also maintain consistent modal 'may' rather than absolute 'don't want' to soften claim.

× I really like peoples.

✓ I really like people.

'Peoples' is the plural of 'people' only when referring to distinct ethnic groups (peoples). For general liking of persons use 'people.' This corrects incorrect pluralization/pronoun usage.