整洁— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and fix errors (e.g., "this is something about me"; "I don't want to change it"). Use varied vocabulary like "neat," "organized," or "habit."

範例: Yes, I enjoy keeping my things tidy and organized. For example, I label storage boxes and put items back in their place, which saves me time later. However, my children sometimes find it too strict, but I prefer staying orderly because it helps me focus.

建議: Use past simple consistently and avoid redundancy. Provide a clear topic sentence about past habits, then add a specific supporting example and link it to the present if needed. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and vary vocabulary (e.g., "neat," "orderly," "methodical").

範例: Yes, I was always tidy as a child; I used to arrange my toys by type and put schoolbooks on a shelf after homework. My mother often praised me for being orderly, and that habit has continued into adulthood.

× But this is something me which I cannot change and which I cannot I don't want to change.

✓ But this is something in me which I cannot change and which I don't want to change.

The original uses 'me' incorrectly after 'something'; the correct phrase is 'something in me'. Also 'which I cannot I don't want to change' has redundancy and word order errors; combine as 'which I cannot change and which I don't want to change'. Suggestion: use 'something in me' and remove redundant words to make the clause clear.

× As a child I have always been a very well organised kid who always kept her things in a very neat and clean manner and I always used to plan my things very well.

✓ As a child I was always a very well-organized kid who kept my things in a very neat and clean manner and always used to plan my things very well.

The sentence mixes present perfect 'have always been' with 'as a child' (a past time), causing tense inconsistency. Use past simple 'was' to refer to a childhood state. Also change 'her' to 'my' to match the speaker. Suggestion: use past tense consistently when referring to past periods and ensure pronouns match the subject.

× And my mother has always appreciated me that this was the quality which she used to be very proud of and still is because still I'm the same.

✓ And my mother has always appreciated me; this was a quality she used to be very proud of and still is, because I am still the same.

The sentence mixes tenses and has awkward structure. 'Has always appreciated me' (present perfect) can stand, but 'appreciated me that this was the quality' is ungrammatical. Replace with a clearer split: 'has always appreciated me; this was a quality she used to be very proud of and still is.' Also avoid 'still I'm the same' — use 'I am still the same'. Suggestion: separate ideas with a semicolon or conjunction, ensure clause order is logical, and maintain consistent tense and pronouns.

× In fact, I am so happy that I am having this trait in me.

✓ In fact, I am so happy that I have this trait.

Use 'have' rather than 'am having' for possession — 'have' is the correct stative verb. Also 'in me' is redundant after 'have this trait'. Suggestion: use simple present 'have' for states and remove unnecessary words.

× This is a part of my personality which at times is not liked by my kids.

✓ This is part of my personality that at times is not liked by my children.

'Part of my personality' is preferred to 'a part'. Use 'that' for defining clauses rather than 'which' here. 'Kids' is informal; 'children' is more appropriate in this context. Suggestion: choose the correct relative pronoun and prefer formal noun where needed.