音乐— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and correct small mistakes; start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with a linking word. Avoid repetition and filler words. Also correct pronunciation and word choice (e.g., “happy” not “Happ”).

範例: I usually prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and helps me enjoy everyday life. However, when I’m feeling upset, I sometimes choose sad songs to process my emotions and think things through.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence then explain with specific effects and one concrete example. Use linking words (for example, therefore) and avoid vague phrases like “enlarges my emotions” or unfinished statements. Keep it within three sentences and correct grammar (e.g., “view” → “positive light”).

範例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because it puts me in a positive frame of mind. For example, when I listen to upbeat songs on my way to work, I feel more energetic and motivated, so I usually walk faster and smile more.

× In my day-to-day life I enjoy Happ music but when I'm down or when I'm going through something then I would say maybe I would prefer sad music just to get in my feelings.

✓ In my day-to-day life I enjoy happy music, but when I'm down or going through something, I would say I might prefer sad music just to get into my feelings.

The sentence has adjective capitalization and word choice issues. 'Happ' is a misspelling and should be 'happy' (adjective). 'Maybe I would prefer' is wordy and awkward; use 'I might prefer' for natural modal choice. 'Get in my feelings' is colloquial; 'get into my feelings' is the correct phrasal form. Also punctuation (commas) improves clarity. Suggestion: correct spelling, simplify modal phrase, use proper prepositional phrase 'into my feelings'. Reference grammar problem type: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs (13).

× It makes me see the world in a different view.

✓ It makes me see the world in a different way.

The phrase 'in a different view' is non-idiomatic. Use the noun 'way' to express manner: 'in a different way' or the adjective phrase 'from a different perspective'. This is a present-tense statement describing a general effect, so keep present simple. Suggestion: replace 'view' with 'way' or rephrase to 'from a different perspective'. Reference grammar problem type: Present tense issue (6).

× It also, uh, enlarges my emotions.

✓ It also intensifies my emotions.

'Enlarges' is incorrect when talking about emotions; we use verbs like 'intensify', 'heighten', or 'amplify'. This is a word choice (adjective/adverb/verb usage) error. Suggestion: use 'intensifies', 'heightens', or 'amplifies' to convey stronger feelings. Reference grammar problem type: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs (13).

× If I'm feeling down and I hear happy music, I feel that something happens in my body, which makes me less emotional and less.

✓ If I'm feeling down and I hear happy music, I feel that something happens in my body, which makes me less emotional and calmer.

The original ends abruptly with 'and less', which is incomplete. This is a sentence structure problem: the comparator 'less' needs an adjective to complete the idea. Replace with a clear adjective such as 'calmer' or 'emotional' pair like 'less emotional and calmer'. Also consider simplifying 'I feel that something happens in my body' to 'I feel something change in my body' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: complete the comparison and clarify the physical reaction. Reference grammar problem type: Sentence structure errors (26).